I may look well, but you can’t see my battles!

As I ponder my annual surveillance this summer and wonder what will be discussed, I also think about how far I’ve travelled and what I have been able to do. It’s more than I thought I’d be able to do, I didn’t expect to still be here. Often, I feel lucky. Perhaps an odd thing to say when I’m living with Stage IV cancer. But those cards were dealt in 2010, and I now play with a new deck where I do have some control over how those cards are played. As long as it’s not a flush!

No pity please.

From day one on 26th July 2010, I did not seek attention for my diagnosis nor did I seek pity, not my style. I went to work as if nothing happened, and I only gave that up when I was unable to fight both battles (my work was challenging!).

I now live with the consequences of cancer (side effects of treatment, ongoing treatment and constant surveillance. Sure, there are bad days, but they are mostly good.

But don’t call me ‘sick’ or a ‘sufferer’, I can’t accept those descriptions.

I know my body, I know what needs attention, what might need attention and what is probably regular disease or something or nothing (but mostly nothing because many issues come and go). I keep a diary looking for trends and connections. I tend to be pragmatic with life, e.g. side effects of drugs and treatment are better than the side effects of death, certainly more manageable and enjoyable.
Whenever I post my blog “I don’t look sick, sorry not sorry”, I’m still not looking for pity. And yet, most of the comments I see miss that point and it tends to turn into a ‘pity party’. Not my style. I guess people look at the lead picture without the context inside.

I look well and I’m very happy about that. If someone who knows I have cancer tells me I look well, I rejoice, I don’t get angry because they have not recognised my struggles. They’re not mind readers. Occasionally, and just to be mischievously friendly, I answer with “but you should see my insides”

Why does a blogger not want attention?

Sure, I write a blog; you’re reading it now. But since 2010, I’m still not after pity ….or attention despite the blog …….. which is most sincerely designed to help others. I want attention for Neuroendocrine Cancer, not me, I’m just the messenger. I’m happy to share my advice and research to people just diagnosed and those on their journey. I don’t write it to attract pity (see above).

But I’m human, I know I’m not invincible. But I don’t tend to be invisible like my illness. I know I have an illness which is invisible to most people, I quite like that as I’d rather talk to the guy next to me about football, than any perceived signs of illness. But If this person asks, then I spread awareness and my words might help others in the same situation.

I know about my invisible illness and I can even see it! But I know what to look for, most people do not and I’m very happy and content with that.

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Disclaimer

I am not a doctor or any form of medical professional, practitioner or counsellor. None of the information on my website, or linked to my website(s), or conveyed by me on any social media or presentation, should be interpreted as medical advice given or advised by me.

Neither should any post or comment made by a follower or member of my private group be assumed to be medical advice, even if that person is a healthcare professional.

Please also note that mention of a clinical service, trial/study or therapy does not constitute an endorsement of that service, trial/study or therapy by Ronny Allan, the information is provided for education and awareness purposes and/or related to Ronny Allan’s own patient experience. This element of the disclaimer includes any complementary medicine, non-prescription over the counter drugs and supplements such as vitamins and minerals.

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